Archive | July, 2008

>Bite Me, Grumpy Cashier and all the Millions of People at Walmart

28 Jul

>So I became “that person” today. You know, the one at Walmart at the busiest time of day that holds up the line? The one with the screaming children, holding up the line? Yeppers. That was me. Walmart was so, so, SO busy this afternoon–think “It’s a Holiday in Louisiana–How Should We Celebrate? Let’s go to Walmart” busy. Sadly, today was not a holiday, but it was the hottest day of the year thus far. And I was wearing jeans. And a sweater set. Albeit a short-sleeved sweater set, but in 105-degree weather, a sweater’s a sweater. Clark had screamed all 20 minutes it took me to get to Sam’s Club for gas because he forgot his Transformers and then another 20 minutes back to Walmart in our town (the one close to Sam’s has ridiculously high prices, go figure) because the stupid McDonald’s lady forgot the caramel for his apple dippers AND his straw (AND the spoon for Meredith’s fruit and yogurt parfait). Geniuses, all of them.

So I get all my groceries, I wait SEVERAL minutes for my turn in line, and halfway through the girl ringing up my order, I decide to be respectful of those in line behind me and swipe my debit card then. I start digging through my purse. No wallet.

Now…in Utah, if you forget your wallet (not that I know any of this from ANY firsthand experience), they smile and say, “Oh, that’s okay, I’ll just finish ringing up your order and total it up and then you can go to the customer service desk and pay when you get back.”

“Oh, SHOOT! My wallet is in my car!” I said.

The lady just shifted back on her hips and looked at me. And, due to some rather negative interactions with someone I hardly know lately, I’ve decided that I fear no one and I stared back at her. Grumpy Cashier vs. Grumpy Tired Hot Mommy. I win. She sighs.

“How far away is your car?”

“Super close! I’ll be right back!” Lie. It was not super close because everyone in Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, and the Gulf of Mexico were at Walmart.

So I run out to the parking lot in my jeans and sweater set, pushing the shopping cart, and not only is my car not close, but I can’t find it. So I wander the parking lot, sweating in a very unlady-like way, knowing that the 7 people in line behind me and the cashier were cursing my very existence at that moment. So I finally see my car, one row over, but, due to a lack of shopping cart corrals, there are shopping carts between all the cars and I can’t get through. I finally manage to make it to my car and I can’t find my wallet. I start thinking someone stole it in the store. I swear. I open all the doors and out it falls into the parking lot. So I run back into the store and yes, I was shot death rays from the cashier and everyone in line behind me. I’m sure everyone’s telling their families right now about the idiot lady with the non-Southern-accent held everyone up at Walmart. And they can all bite me.


>Take 2

25 Jul

>So it looks like Cincinnati’s out. Long story, nothing’s wrong, just a change of plans (of course) at the last minute. Due to the non-refundable nature of my airfare and the super-acommodating nature of the airline industry these days, I’m guessing I’m still coming to Utah, just out of a different airport.

I’m relieved and frustrated at the same time. I guess that’s how I can describe a great deal of adulthood!

Clark has gone back to being scared of the shower. Apparently, the shower’s name is Kathy and she requires a plastic bag over her head at all times. She’s a nice shower, but still not nice enough for him. The bad showers, according to Clark, are named Bob and Steve (sorry, Dan!)

Meredith is starting to jabber–she says, “Mom/Mama,” “Dad/Dadda,” “Whassat?” “Hi/ellO,” and “Uh-oh.” She also LOVES the phone; if she’s holding onto something and you ask her to say hello, she’ll hold the thing up to her ear and say, “ellO!” I think I probably talk on the phone way too much.

Also, if I hold her and I pretend to cry, she’ll lay her head on my shoulder. It’s very cute.

>What We’re Up To

22 Jul

>So we’re getting ready for a major trip. And it’s not exactly voluntary. But Sam has to go to Cincinnati for 4 weeks for work, which leaves the rest of us in an interesting situation. I don’t want to stay here by myself with the kids for 4 weeks when I have limited resources people-wise and Sam doesn’t want to be away from the kids that long. We don’t want to stay in a hotel for 4 weeks straight with the kids. Honestly, we’re not super-excited about going anywhere at all, although I guess it does get us out of Louisiana for most of the month of August!

So here’s our plan–this Saturday, we’re driving to Memphis and spending the night there. On Sunday, we’ll drive the rest of the way to Cincinnati where we will stay in a hotel with Sam for about 10 days. Then Sam will drive us to Louisville and the kids and I will fly to Salt Lake, but we get in late, so my parents will come pick us up and then we’ll spend the night at a hotel in the Salt Lake area. At that point, my tentative plan is to drive from SLC to Rexburg and visit my sister and her family for a day or two. Then I’ll go to Logan for a couple of days, then I’ll go down to Utah County for a couple of days where Sara (from the cooking blog) and I will be teaching a cooking class at the Macey’s in Pleasant Grove. Back to Logan for a few days, then I’ll fly back to Louisville, then back to Cincinnati, then back to Memphis for a night, then back here to Louisiana. If I think about it too much, it makes me want to vomit. I figured that by the time we’re done, I’ll have traveled over 7000 miles and driven and/or stayed in Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, possibly Indiana, possibly Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, and Utah. That isn’t to say that I’m not totally and completely excited to be going home OR to be spending time in a place where there are actually fun things to do, I just wish it wasn’t all at once or for such an extended period of time!

So wish us luck! I’m sure I’ll check in here and there (and everywhere!) Nurse Heidi, I’ll call you tomorrow about our plans! Anyone else, I want to see you, too!

>Thursday Randomness

10 Jul

>*I am the Enrichment Leader in our ward. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh. Anyway, we’re having a giant activity next Tuesday and I basically have no Enrichment committee and the Enrichment counselor is going out of town, so I’m feeling a little frazzled. Last night, I had a dream that it was Monday night and I suddenly remembered that I’d signed up to bring 15 cheesecakes and I didn’t have enough time to make 15 cheesecakes, let alone time for 15 cheesecakes to set up. I literally woke up in a cold sweat. Is this really my life?

*We came home today from buying food for said Enrichment activity this afternoon and, like always, I heard something rustling around in the bushes. It was a dog, a small little dog, who took a liking to me. I’m starting to think that these bushes are a portal to otherworldliness, kind of like the wardrobe and Narnia. I was petting the dog when it suddenly started to downpour. Clark was screaming bloody murder, Meredith was laughing, and I was completely soaked. The dog followed me about halfway to our door and then went back and hid under my van.

*Due to me being soaked, I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around in pajama pants and a t-shirt with no bra because the bra I was wearing got soaked and I literally have no other clean bras because I’ve spent the week upgrading the cooking blog and preparing for this crazy Enrichment activity.

*I realized I couldn’t make the dinner I was planning on making tonight because I used the last of my green onions last night. So I improvised, using about-to-go bad things in my fridge to make spaghetti sauce. Sam came home from work to find me lovingly cooking dinner for him. Okay, in all reality, I do love him, but this meal was not made lovingly, and instead of wearing my tea-length dress and half-apron and heels, I was wearing the aforementioned pajama pants, t-shirt, and no bra, with my soaking-wet hair pulled back into a ponytail. (Let it be known that I’ve never actually worn a tea-length dress and half-apron with heels all at the same time; that was a sarcastic comment, lest someone find this and mock me on I was super cute; I don’t know how he kept his hands off me.

*Immediately after he came home, Sam noticed our astronomical electric bill for the month. As he was raging about the ridiculousness of it all, I shouted, “There’s an armadillo in the backyard!” Non sequitur, you ask? No, really, there was an armadillo in the backyard! Snuffling around, probably eating up all the nasty bugs. Sam grabbed the camera, but you have to have a key to get out the backdoor, so he had to run and grab his keys and I watched the armadillo walk over to the deck. By the time he got back, the armadillo was gone. He searched the backyard, the garage, everywhere–no armadillo. So I’m thinking maybe the deck is also a portal to Narnia, only it’s the primary exit/entrance point of cockroaches and banana spiders.

*Just now, I asked Clark if he loved me. He paused for a minute and then said, “I don’t hate you.” Thanks, kid.

>Can’t Wait

9 Jul



It’s gonna be a good night.


8 Jul

>So I just bought plane tickets to Utah this afternoon!!!! Long story short, Sam has to go to Cincinnati for four weeks in August. Which is a long time for me to be all alone in this crazy, crazy place. So we’re going to drive up to Cincinnati with him at the end of this month and stay for a week and a half or so, then the kids and I will fly out to Utah for another week and a half or so, and then we’ll fly back to Ohio for the rest of the time. I’m so excited–I miss my family, friends, and Mexican food like crazy! I’ll be there August 9-18 and I’m hoping to be in Provo for a couple of days. Yayayayay!! 🙂

>Sad Saga

1 Jul


So it all began yesterday when I was doing laundry. In our crappy little house that we’re renting (hopefully for not TOO much longer), the washer and dryer are in the kitchen. Now…I don’t REALLY want all my dirty clothes in the kitchen, so I sorted them in the hallway and then took one load at a time to the washer.

Well, I was carrying a load of darks into the kitchen when I felt something move on my arm and saw something black. I screamed because I automatically assumed the worst (cockroach) and flung all the clothes into the air. Turns out it was just another baby lizard. So I trapped it under a Tupperware container so we could figure out what we wanted to do with it.

So Sam comes home and decides we should keep it, so he set up one of our (empty) fish tanks with a heat lamp, a heat rock, and other lizardy things. We put the itty bitty baby lizard (seriously, probably only 1 1/2 inches long) in the tank and wished him a long, happy life.

Well, we were looking at him last night and one “hand” and one “foot” look like they’d been singed. We couldn’t figure out what the problem was or if he’d been like that when we caught him. This morning, his other front “hand” looked fine when I got in the shower, but when I got back out, it was singed, too! So yeah, at this point, I was feeling like the worst person in the world, first for trapping this poor baby lizard to keep as a pet instead of setting him free outside, and now for burning off all his extremities! I called Sam and he Googled it and said it was probably the heat rock.

So Sam came home for lunch and we decided that the poor guy should probably be put out of his misery. So Sam tried catching him, but one of his severed limbs had adhered itself to the bottom of the fish tank! And the lizard was fighting being caught. So THEN the lizard’s tail falls off. And starts twitching. So Sam’s here trying to scrape the poor LIVE lizard off the bottom of the tank with a tail in there twitching. So horrifying and sad and funny at the same time.

So lessons learned? 1) Heat rocks are bad. 2) I’ll try and refrain from capturing and keeping any future reptiles I find in my house or on my arm. And 3)I should not be responsible for keeping animals alive (Kate B. if you’re reading, remember the dead canaries? I meant well!).