Archive | November, 2008

>Just So You Know…

24 Nov

>If you don’t have kids or if your grandchildren are long-grown, you’re more than welcome to keep your dirty looks and your feelings on how I’m raising my kids to yourself. That way, I won’t wish demon spawn upon your single, childless souls when the time comes that you do take a wife (or a husband). And give me dirty looks in Relief Society again? I’ll send her your way, armed with a sippy cup of 3-hour-old soy milk and a bag of Cheez-Its crumbs.

Bottom line? There is no one at church or in an airplane with a loud baby more stressed out than that baby’s mother. So chill, peeps.


>Fruit Fly Ultimatum

18 Nov

>Dear Fruit Flies that have Infested My House:

You are not welcome here. You will be destroyed and you will not be avenged. Yes, you can reproduce faster and more publicly than I can and you are smaller and more hover-y than I am, but I am bigger and smarter than you. I will not rest until all are destroyed. Die, die, die, or at the very least leave and never come back. I hate you.



>I Always Miss the Good Stuff!

13 Nov

>So last night, I had a dream that Sam and I bought a townhouse and were having a barbeque with some friends: Shane and Adriann, some tall, lanky lad who I apparently had a crush on, and the Obama family. Which was particularly interesting because Shane is very into conservative politics.

So, like I often do before barbeques, I did a lot of the prep work before–I think we were having grilled chicken breasts and burgers. Because, you know, when the President-elect and his family come over for dinner, you make burgers. So all of our guests came over and then I went upstairs to take a nap. Because that’s what you do when you have a party–you go and take a nap.

When I woke up, the Obamas were gone and I was disappointed to have missed them. And THEN I saw that everyone was eating Ramen noodles with sliced green onions while my burgers and chicken were still in the fridge. Apparently, no one wanted to cook, so everyone ate Ramen instead. I was disappointed, but then I noticed that we had a gorgeous beach in our backyard, so I went and played in the water instead.

4 Nov

>Clark has a reason for not doing just about anything. Like a few weeks ago, the Bishop’s wife made him a sandwich and he wouldn’t eat it because it was too white. And it’s not like we’re militant wheat-breaders here.

So I just offered to get him a drink and this is the conversation that followed:

Mom: What would you like to drink?

Clark: I dunno…hot chocolate milk, maybe?

Mom: How about cold chocolate milk?

Clark: Cold chocolate milk hurts my brain.

>Happy Halloween!

3 Nov


So yeah, I’ve kind of decided that preschool is as much training for the parents as it is for kids. So far, I’ve forgotten a salty snack, something black to wear, and a triangle. Yeah, I know, I’m a bad mom. I did try and atone for it, however, by helping out at Clark’s Halloween carnival last Friday. Somehow I got stuck with being in charge of bowling, which turns out to be highly popular with preschoolers and involves a lot of squatting, resetting pins, and yelling, “Hey, don’t throw that!” about fifty million times. I’ve decided that I’m largely uninterested in other peoples’ children, and while I think the Pre-K teacher at the school is a little bit mean, I totally get it. I’d be mean, too, if I were surrounded by 4-year-olds five days a week.

Anyway, I was too preoccupied and slightly traumatized to get any good pictures of the Halloween carnival, although Clark had a good time. We brought his friend Matthew home and they played for a couple of hours (gotta love having another kid to keep your kid occupied!) Sam came home from work and we had spaghetti for dinner and then we met some friends at a cool park in a fancy schmancy neighborhood to go trick-or-treating. Apparently the rest of the central Louisiana metroplex had the same idea because it was nutso. Everyone sat on their porches and handed out candy and we had a good time. After we finished trick-or-treating, I ended up taking Sam home because he was beat and then we went to my friend Nicole’s house for a rockin’ Halloween party. It was so much fun and totally what I needed–I think (and I think a few people can confirm this!) that I’ve been a little jittery and neurotic lately, so getting out and laughing worked wonders for my semi-craziness.

Anyway, we had a very happy Halloween. Meredith was supposed to be Tinkerbell (or “Twinkerbell,”as Clark would say), but it was more of a little flower fairy princess. She loved every second of it. Clark was a very enthusiastic Buzz Lightyear, which was a semi-welcome change from years past–instead of screaming hysterically because he didn’t want to wear it, he screamed because he didn’t want to take it off.