>Lady, From the Moment I Saw You…

>So the kids and I went to Sam’s Club to get milk and cheese today and the Inner Blogging Voice was just screaming at me the whole time! I’m very pleased to announce that our Sam’s Club is being remodeled and now, sometimes I actually think I’m at Costco. In fact, the other day, Sam asked if we should get gas at Costco (he meant Sam’s Club) or Safeway (Kroger). There’s not a Costco or a Safeway here in Louisiana. I’m not sure if this was a good or bad indicator of his current state of mind… 🙂

Anyway, we were checking out and our cashier was a lovely woman named Ms. Cherelle. How did I know this? Because “Ms. Cherelle” was tattooed across her chest. I really, really would have loved to have taken a picture, but there’s just no good way to ask the sassy black lady if I can take a picture of her ample bosoms.

After we checked out, Meredith announced she had to go potty, so we went and waited in line for the family bathroom which has a cute little Meredith-sized toilet. We waited and waited. The person in there flushed and flushed. There was a Sam’s Club employee waiting in line ahead of us and Clark was charming her (as he always does) and she said, “Oh, you’re cute!” He paused for a second and then said, “I AM cute, huh?”

After waiting for a long time, we just opted for the regular bathroom. Meredith sat on the potty for about 2 seconds and then said, “I’m done!” I was not super happy about that. She then requested to have another look at the “Sleepy Doodie” dress-up kit.

My unhappiness at Meredith’s unsuccessful potty trip was mitigated by seeing a man in a red long-sleeved Henley (bear in mind that this is one of the muggiest days I’ve EVER experienced in Louisiana!), suspenders, wire-rimmed glasses, and the CRAZIEST white hair and long, bushy beard I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Both Clark and Meredith were freaking out–they really thought Santa was at Sam’s Club.

Now…for all you Scrubs fans. Remember Janitor and his girlfriend Lady?

Well, it’s a popular thing here for the schools to provide parents with window decals that have the school, symbol, and student’s name on them. These decals are placed in the rear windows of the parents’ vehicles.

Well, I got to my car and this car was parked next to mine:

Yes. You’re seeing that right. Someone named their baby girl “Lady” and now she goes to the hardest, most competitive public elementary school in the area. Go get ’em, Lady.

And finally…the pièce de résistance. This isn’t my picture–I actually stole it from the Facebook page of one of our former missionaries. But it’s too good not to share.

>Mowin’ the Lawn

>Devil Dog’s owner is mowing the lawn. I wonder if he’ll notice all the poo that was on our lawn that Sam flings back into their yard on a nightly basis. It’s part of our routine–kids to bed, lights out, fling some poo.

>Jealous Much?

>Meredith: I wuv you, Daddy!

Sam: I love YOU, Meredith!

Clark: Dad, you should love me and not Meredith.

>My Nemesis…

>Devil Dog has been running up and down the street, barking and howling, for the last two hours. Devil Dog could very well be back in hell by tomorrow morning if it’s not careful…

>Wild Kingdom

>For Family Home Evening last night, we went to Sears to get a water filter for our fridge water dispenser. Totally spiritual and uplifting, right? So anyway, apparently a few families of mosquitoes have decided our van makes a nice home and we were seriously eaten alive on our way there and back.

We survived the mosquitoes and were watching TV before we went to bed when we heard a scratching noise in the doorbell box. Yeah, apparently a giant cockroach found his way in there and couldn’t get back out again. It’s little antennaes were poking out of the holes. I wanted to kill myself.

And THEN Devil Dog has had puppies (again). And while they may be spawn of Satan, they’re very cute spawn of Satan and, in true Devil Dog fasion, they’re allowed to freely roam the neighborhood. Well, after being ravaged by mosquitoes and tormented by the trapped cockroach, I was reading before I went to sleep. I heard a little puppy yelping outside my window like it was in pain, so I threw on a pair of pajama pants and some flip flops so I could go rescue the puppy from the mutant armadillo or whatever was attacking it. By the time I got out there, the puppy was gone, but a SNAKE slithered across the walkway, seriously RIGHT in front of my feet, and into the grass. Shudder.

>When Did THIS Happen???

>

So I was just flipping through one of my magazines and I stumbled across an advertisement similar to this:

When did I start reading magazines containing ads for facelifts for old ladies?! This has been a very harsh reality check for me; I definitely need to get out more.

>New Calling

>So I was just called to be the 1st Counselor in the Young Women’s presidency in our ward! I’m really, really excited. With the exception of the last few months, I’ve really loved being the Enrichment Leader, but it’s definitely a good time to move on.