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Straight from the Depths of Hell

20 Jul

I saw this scurry across our driveway this afternoon. It was nearly an inch long and completely unafraid of me. Apparently it is a cow ant. I used an entire can of wasp spray trying to kill it.



19 Feb

>Last night, for Young Women, we worked on getting names ready to take to the temple before we go on the Pioneer Trek this summer. Being of good pioneer stock, it’s pretty hard for me to find ancestors whose temple work hasn’t been done, so I was really excited when I found a handful of people in my family tree whose names I could take to the temple. I was feeling pretty good about myself. As I was leaving the church, one of the girls told me to drive safely, and I said I’d try. While leaving the parking lot, I drove straight into a median and a shouted a rather loud expletive–kind of a second-tier swear word. Like…”Holy crap!” Only not “crap.” And the worst part? After doing family history for 1 1/2 hours and being at the church, not only did I not feel guilty (like at all), but I felt good.

That’s all. I’ve got a potty mouth and I like it, apparently.

>Happy January!

14 Jan

>I suck so bad at blogging right now that I’m not sure anyone even reads this anymore. So if you are still reading, I’m sorry. I literally couldn’t sleep last night because I feel so guilty about my little blog that I love so much, so I’m making it a goal to update at least once a week.

Life has been crazy. Good thing it’s been good crazy because while 2009 had it’s good parts, I honestly wasn’t too sad to see it go. From the middle of 2007 through 2009, I just felt like things never let up and I feel like we’re starting to get back to a really good place.

So…what’s been going on with us since Thanksgiving? Here’s a brief recap:

–We spent Thanksgiving with our good friends the Whites and their family. They’ve always been so nice to have us orphans over for major holidays and we just love them.

–Clark went on a field trip to an old plantation and was completely and utterly disgusted that they had dirt floors back then. He refused to step on them.

–I chopped off all my hair the day before my birthday. While Nicole was cutting my hair, Clark ran in VERY excitedly with a Book of Mormon. This was our conversation:

Clark: Mom, LOOK what I found!!
Kate: Wow, buddy!! What is it?
Clark: It’s a Book of Mormon!!
Kate: Awesome! Can you tell me what it’s about?
Clark: It’s all about SATAN!!

SO glad that’s what he’s absorbed in his 5 years. In case I have non-LDS friends reading my blog, the Book of Mormon is not in fact about Satan, but rather another testament of Jesus Christ.

–I turned 29. Blah.

–I went to Utah without my kids for 3 days in early December. I got to stay with one of my favorite friends, Adriann, who has left me in Louisiana. We had some Our Best Bites-related meetings and business to take care of and then Sara and I were on Studio 5:

Video Courtesy of

Coming back was really hard–in addition to the inevetible post-trip slump, I felt like while travelling without my kids was infinitely better than travelling with my kids, it was still a long, hard trip and it made me feel even further from “home” (wherever THAT is!)

–Clark got to play Joseph in his preschool Christmas pagaent. He was SO cute I could hardly stand it.

–We found out we’re going to be here for another 3 years. It’s actually good to know–I feel like we’ve been in transition for so long that it would be SO wonderful just to settle down for a little while.

–With THAT news, we got pre-approved for a home loan and have since been house hunting. It was exciting and fun at first and now it just sucks, but we’re holding out hope that we’ll find a perfect spot for us.

–The other day, he was sitting there playing with his Ben 10 Aliens, singing, “Jesus is a Friend of Mine.” It was so funny and cute and a total paradigm shift from what I imagined my kids would experience growing up. While we don’t want to be here forever, I’m glad that we can have this experience now.

–Clark turned 5. I can’t believe it. We had banana pancakes with buttermilk syrup, bacon, and orange juice (which is RARE at our house because I’m an OJ snob and I’m too cheap to buy the good stuff on a regular basis) for breakfast and then that night, we went to McAllister’s (his choice) for dinner and came home for presents, cake, and ice cream. Grammy Jones got him a gift certificate to Build-A-Bear, but the closest one is in Lafayette and we haven’t had a chance to go yet. I’m just so proud of him and what a smart, sweet, funny, conscientious boy he always has been and continues to be.

–Sam brought home 5 cases of laundry detergent yesterday–16 boxes of Original Tide (be still, my heart…I don’t think anything in the world, except for maybe a new baby, smells better than Original Tide!) and 6 bottles of Cheer. Subsequently, there was a major detergent reorganization last night and Sam was pretty sure I’d gone crazy. I also decided my life was too complicated for the three cases (20 bottles) of liquid fabric softener that we got in October, so I unloaded them at the church last night. It warmed my heart to see everyone walking around with a bottle of Downy… 🙂

That’s about it. Keep your fingers crossed that we find a house before I lose my mind…

>I Suck. I Really Do.

10 Oct

>So, yeah…I’ve really sucked at updating the blog. The school year started up again, meaning I’ve been tutoring more, and then I’ve been busier than ever with the food blog, so I’ve kind of been trying to figure out how everything all fits again. So much I want to do, you know? And then it’s just so easy to update my Facebook status without committing to an entire blog post, so Facebook has kind of killed the blog. But I’ll do better. Heard that before? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway, this is what we’ve been up to! No hurricanes this year, thank goodness! After Labor Day, Clark started Pre-K, which isn’t a big deal any other place I’ve lived (in fact, it’s just kind of called “preschool” everywhere else I’ve ever been!), but here, Pre-K is basically Kindergarten. Except if we wanted to send him to public Pre-K, he would have to go all-day, every day, and wear a uniform. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around sending a 4-year-old to school full-time in a uniform, so we’re sending him to the Pre-K program at the preschool he went to last year and we’re in love with it. In their recent circus, he was assigned to be the strong man. He was not thrilled at ALL when he first got dressed up, but after being oohed- and ahhed-over all day, he was more than happy to mug for the camera.

We got a giant load of new laundry supplies! We got 6 giant bottles of detergent, 16 bottles of liquid fabric softener, and 9 cases of dryer sheets. It’s taken us 1 year to get through a case of dryer sheets, so I’m not exactly sure what we’re going to do with 9 cases! There are 7 boxes to a case, so that means we have 63 (had to use a calculator, lest I publicly humiliate myself with my rudimentary math skills) boxes of dryer sheets.

Meredith has been sick for the last couple of weeks, but she’s starting to act like herself again. She’s obsessed with the “Walking on Sunshine”/”Halo” mash-up from the most recent episode of Glee

and insists on watching it over and over (and over) again while she sings and dances.

My parents came last weekend and we had a great time with them! We went to Natchitoches (that’s “Nackitesh” if you don’t happen to be from Central Louisiana) for a day and had a great time there–it’s SUCH a cute little town! The last time we went (with Sam’s parents, actually), it was pouring rain on Mardi Gras weekend and the famous meat pies were kind of a let down. We ended up going to the same restaurant we went to last time and the food was SO much better this time. Really, really good, actually. We also went to the zoo and were pretty much the only people there, so that was really fun. My kids cried and cried when they left and I felt like the worst mom in the world for making my kids live on the other side of the country from their grandparents.

That’s about it! Our lives are good, and we’re very blessed, but I do wish we lived closer to more of our family and friends! You’ve heard it before, but I promise I’ll be better about updating!

>When Did THIS Happen???

3 Aug


So I was just flipping through one of my magazines and I stumbled across an advertisement similar to this:

When did I start reading magazines containing ads for facelifts for old ladies?! This has been a very harsh reality check for me; I definitely need to get out more.

>Update of the Century

25 Jul

>Oh, my blog. My poor, neglected blog. It’s been a long time, baby. I’m honestly not sure what happened; it just kind of hasn’t dawned on me that I haven’t updated this thing in the last 6 weeks. I’m vowing now to make a change.

So what’s been going on in our lives? So many things. Since I last updated, here’s what’s been going on with Team Awesome:

–Meredith turned two. Yeah, I’m getting the Mom of the Year award for that one, not blogging about my baby’s second birthday!!

–Sam had a birthday and turned…well, let’s just not say. I spent about 2 days making several dozen hand-decorated sugar cookies to take to him at work. As I was heading out the door, the box collapsed on itself and they all fell in on each other and were ruined. Also, his birthday present never came in the mail. ALSO, his super-special birthday dinner did not happen in light of the cookie disaster. He had a really great day.

–We got 3 more cases (6 bottles/boxes each) of laundry detergent. Woot!!

–I have become very homesick for Logan, which is a little weird considering I haven’t lived there in 10 years.

–We have been fanatically watching So You Think You Can Dance. Love. That. Show.

–Clark let a stray kitten into our house one Sunday morning about a month ago. It is currently curled up next to me on the couch. However, I have mixed feelings about the cat because I am THE ONLY ONE in the whole house who is nice to it on a regular basis AND I’m the only one who feeds it and changes its litter. It really loved me for a couple of weeks, and then one night, it decided that the middle of the night was playtime and I shut it out. That’s right. I shut the bedroom door and made it go sleep by itself, probably on a stray sock in the dining room or something. And ever since then, it won’t give me the time of day. Sam hates the damn thing and it will just sashey over there and rub up against him and curl up in his lap. Me? It’ll sit NEAR me, but it won’t really let me hold it. All that said, cats are way less maintenance than just about any other animal I can think of and we’ve seen a lot less of those REALLY BAD THINGS (giant six-legged insects…I’m afraid if I say the actual word, one will scurry across the floor as I type) ever since it came to live with us, so I’m thinking this is a mutally beneficial relationship. We named it Charlie because it’s black with a little white mustache and we figured that “Charlie” was a little more appropriate than “Adolf.”

–I had a not-so-small Louisiana-related freak out last week and told Sam I will not stay here for another assignment. After a little time passed, we were able to examine the context of my freak out and hope to approach his future career plans a little more level headedly. Take it from me, Walmart at 4:00 on a Friday will make pretty much any sane person freak out no matter where you live. I’ve resolved to do more shopping at Kroger as a mental health precaution.

–Our area now has a splash park! I can’t tell you how excited I am. We went and played down there for a couple of hours today. It was so funny how literally on one side of the sidewalk, it was completely run-down and scary and on the other, there was this brand-new splash pad. I did yell (literally) at a 12-year-old-ish kid who called Clark and some other little kids “stupid little freaks.” I’ve become quite assertive in the 1 1/2 years that we’ve lived here and I won’t lie…I really like it.

–“The Spirit of God” definitely qualifies as an opening hymn. That’s all I’m sayin’. Anyone who says otherwise, well, you don’t scare me. Okay, maybe a little…

–Clark has many, many imaginary friends. For awhile there, they were all superheroes: Crocodile (only eats bad people), Flash (super fast), Ghost (who is responsible for anything bad or “unexplainable”), Goop (he can’t come to church because he’s too disgusting), Carby (he’s small enough that he needs to be held on a regular basis), and Optimus (he transforms into a carseat while we’re in the car). In the past few weeks, his Superhero Friends have morphed into imaginary Transformers. Optimus, of course, is the leader of the pack. Devastator should, according to Clark, be in charge because he’s bigger than Sam and I. He makes Clark things like macaroni and cheese when we’re eating something like Jambalaya for dinner. There’s Soundwave. Sideswipe. Starscream. Bumblebee. I don’t even remember them all, but they all have different voices and they all come with us everywhere we go. Sometimes he’ll hold his hands out like they’re all holding hands. He’ll talk to everyone about them if we let him, especially cashiers (or “payers,” as he calls them)–“Hey, I need to tell you something. I have Transformers. See? Here are all my bots. This is Devastator. Say hi, Devastator! [in Devastator’s voice] Hi!” Any prayer he says involves thanking Heavenly Father for his very long list of imaginary robots. Sometimes I wonder if he comes with a mute button. Now…I’m not a Family Guy fan at all, but I saw this commercial today and it is so spot on:

That’s about it. I do vow, however, from this day forward to update my blog more and my Facebook status less. There you have it.

>The Detergent

6 Apr


Okay, so I have long been obsessed with laundry–like I remember being quite small, like maybe 10, and just hanging out in the laundry room because I was so fascinated with the idea of laundry-doing. I love the smell. I love clean clothes. I LOVE clean sheets. So imagine my WONDER when Sam got an offer to work in Procter and Gamble’s laundry detergent division! I mean, REALLY! We’ve gotten SO much laundry detergent and I’ve given a ton of it away, but we still have a lot. And I’ve agonized about how to organize it–like, in the last week, I’ve rearranged it 5-6 times, but it still wasn’t sitting right with me. My issues centered around a) box size, b) detergents I love vs. detergents I’m just okay with, c) Tide vs. Gain (Tide is better…if I use it occasionally for 1-2 months, it gets rid of all sorts of stains Gain can’t), d) using the older detergent first, and e) getting sick of using the same detergent for months on end. And then it hit me…in a flash of brilliance…I could empty ALL the boxes and then re-pack the boxes with different types of detergent, so I get a little more variety and don’t long for that bottle of Water Lily and Jasmine Tide at the bottom of the stack while I work through my 16 bottles of Gain. So that’s what I did on my Saturday night. Isn’t my life exciting?

The roundup:

–4 48-load bottles of Gain Apple Mango Tango
–12 48-load bottles of Original Gain
–3 24-load bottles of Gain Guava Groove
–8 24-load bottles of Tide Rose and Lavendar
–6 24-load bottles of Cheer with no scent
–4 48-load bottles of Tide Water Lily and Jasmine
–3 15-load boxes of Original Tide

Total: 1413 loads of laundry. If I average 8 loads of laundry a week, give or take, then I have enough detergent to last me 176.6 weeks. Which is 3.39 years. Did I mention we’ve already given a ton of this stuff away? Like CASES of it?

I also have 1 sample-sized packet of Tide Advanced Car that is being reserved for something very special…although I’m not totally sure what that is yet.

Here’s the arrangement:

The Key:

a: 3 boxes of 15-load Original Tide powder. For use on sheets only. Used with “g,” the 80-count box of Downy April Fresh dryer sheets.

b: 1 box of 12 Tide To Go pens

c: 12 boxes of 40-count Bounce dryer sheets, no scent

d: 6 boxes of 160-count Gain dryer sheets, Original Gain scent; plan to use with Original Gain detergent and Cheer with no scent.

e: Current bottle of Guava Groove Gain detergent. Am almost out. Unsure of where I will go when it is empty; decision may be impacted by current laundry sheet usage.

f: 1 box 40-count Bounce scent-free dryer sheets.

g: 1 box 80-count Downy April Fresh dryer sheets. For use on sheets only with “a,” Original Tide powder.

h: Bleach. Naturally, used only on white stuff.

Anyway, now you know the extent of my geekdom and neuroses. If y’all lived closer, I’d give everybody some, but as it stands, it would cost more for me to ship it to you than to buy it at the store. So that’s a GREAT reason to come visit me!!

>I’m here

3 Apr

>Okay, so I have not died…my life has just been crazy boring and crazy busy at the same time. I do have an elaborate laundry-related post in the works, but in the meantime, if you could vote for Our Best Bites at Mormon Mommy Blogs (check out the righthand sidebar), I’d surely appreciate it! Like maybe I’ll send you one of my many newly acquired Tide To Go pens or even a box of dryer sheets! Yeah, my life is THAT exciting.


15 Feb

>Clark had to say the scripture and closing prayer in Primary today, so I went in for the last few minutes to help him. And on a total sidenote, let me say that right now, Adriann and I are the only people who go to Relief Society on a regular basis who are under the age of, say, fifty. She teaches a fledgling Sunday School class and I am so scared that she’s going to be called into another organization where all the other younger women are, leaving me all alone in Relief Society. But. After going to Primary for fifteen minutes today, I think I might rather stay in Relief Society by myself than go there…

Anyway. Clark was very cute, although I don’t think anyone understood a word he said because I whispered the scripture to him, so he whispered it into the microphone. And then he was having a hard time praying into the microphone, so he bowed his head into his arms instead. Afterwards, a little girl, probably 5 or 6 came up to me and asked, “Do you go to Ball Elementary?” I started laughing and I told her that I didn’t. She, totally non-plussed by my reaction and in a very mature way, said, “Oh, I thought you looked like someone who goes there.” Ha! I mean, I know I look a little young for my age, but I didn’t think I looked 10!

>Movie Myths

28 Jan

>So you know those ideallic scenes in movies where it’s a busy workweek morning? The mom and dad and a kid are snuggling in bed and then the dad gets up. The mom then brings the kid into the kitchen and makes breakfast for the dad and then they kiss the dad goodbye? Yeah, that happened to me this morning!

Meredith woke up earlier than usual, so I brought her back to bed with us. Then Sam’s alarm went off and we all snuggled for a bit and then he got up to get ready for work. After a few minutes, I got up and went into the kitchen to make him some oatmeal for breakfast. Sounds pretty nice, right?

Well…truthfully…I took 1/2 a sleeping pill last night, so I was pretty groggy. It was cold in the house. And the reason why I got up to make oatmeal for breakfast is because last month, we got paid on the 23rd and this month, we get paid on the 28th, so we currently have no cold cereal and I didn’t want Sam to go to work hungry. Movie life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…